Monday, August 4, 2008

Quiver Full Mania: Is It For Everyone?

First, before all the QF Mothers gang up on me, let me say this: I believe any baby conceived is a blessing. I love children and have a large clan myself. But I didn't birth them all.

Lately, the question has come up about the *Quiver Full Movement*

Please see:

While procreation is as old NEARLY as Adam, the Quiver Full Movement by name is relatively new. It is sort of a backlash against feminism.

Am I Quiver Full minded? Lets just say; I think we all have to follow our convictions and not try to BE every one's Holy Spirit. There is NOTHING wrong with a large family. The Duggar's from Arkansas have captured the nation's attention and affection.

But, they are resourceful, organized, and the husband CAN provide for his family.

I'll admit; I had a very unsavory experience on a Yahoo-Group that was QF-Minded. That wasn't the focal point of the group, but more of a peripheral subject that I don't take exception to. The groups focus was to encourage Titus 2 women. I was doing fine on the group until I mentioned that I have 5 children, and I was knocking on 40. The question came up: "Aren't you going to have anymore???"... I told them NO, that I had my tubes tied when I was 21...

The next thing I know, I am BLASTED on and offlist with e-mails about how I can reverse my tubal (Hey, thanks for asking my husband FIRST), and how many women have babies over 40.
I was sent the *Blessed Arrows* site : with no one bothering to ask me if my infembriated ends of my fallopian tubes were still in tact? The answer to all those who weren't listening: No... they are burned. It is not reversible.

Additionally, my husband doesn't want any more children. If God, who opens and closes the womb wanted me to genuinely have more children, couldn't He just MAKE it happen? I mean, women who have tubal ligation's still get pregnant all the time!

Then there was the guilt: Heaps and heaps of it. "You are in sin,,, ,you must restore your body to it's former glory...on and on it went.. no one listening, no one caring if this choice was something we were genuinely convicted about.
You know, you get more flies with honey.

So, I support all my QF friends. No, we never had anymore children, but our Quiver is quite full. We also have 6 grandchildren and counting.

I totally understand the QF mindset. I think there are exceptions: Health, mental stability or the lack thereof, disease, and yes, if you have 10 that you CAN'T FEED...holy mole, ABSTAIN, until you can get your finances under control and feed the ones you DO have.
This whole; God will provide thing is true if you do YOUR part. I know a QF mom of 12 who works from home. I know another QF family who live below their means. They have 13 children in a 900 square foot house. They are saving for an addition, or other home. Children sleep on sofa's and bunk beds. Little ones family bed.

Am I against this? Not at all. Let me tell you what I am FOR: Good Stewardship... In order to have a family one MUST provide and not be so foolish as to think God will just shower provisions on them regardless. I believe God helps those who help themselves. Most well-managed QF families work as a team. Children help in family businesses as soon as they are able to help on some level.

I didn't understand all this as a young person. How could I? I didn't even have a relationship with Christ. One thing at a time.

So no, I am not against The QF Movement. I am all for well-planned families produced by people who can feed and clothe every baby they produce for a minimum of 18 years.

What I am against is: the QF Fanatical, Obsessing, Judgemental mothers who forget that not all of us come to the same understandings at the same time and some, simply do not have the organizational skills, or mental and emotional capacity to DEAL with 12 or more children. Harassing women into believing this isn't Christ-like. Praying for them is. If one person had stopped e-mailing me, and started praying, who knows? Maybe my husband would have been convicted to at least adopt? Maybe that isn't what we, as a family are supposed to do at all?

Maybe I'll wind up helping raise my grandchildren? Trying to back-track into God's Good Graces is ridiculous and nullifies Christs sacrifice... it makes it rather pointless. If the slate isn't wiped clean, ... if I all my sins aren't washed away... A song rings through my thoughts: What can wash away my sin??? Nothing but the blood of Jesus...What can make me whole again?.....NOTHING but the blood of Jesus...

By the way, I did a Google search about *Quivers* (the actually carrying case for ancient arrows)... while there were a few that held up to 30 or more, the average carried 6.

All those over-zealous women who make it their business to tell everyone else what to do and how to do it... can you just hold up a minute and just worry about yourself? Shouldn't your life speak for itself? You live your life the way YOUR convicted and answer questions as they are asked. Be happy and content in the way your following your convictions.

And remember: There are mothers of 1 disabled child that are doing all they can do to meet the needs of their precious offspring. There are Mothers who can't bear many children for physical reasons, or health issues. Sadly, I have heard people say that shouldn't stop them. Walk a mile in their moccasins please. There are emotionally disturbed (Think Andrea Yates) women who are probably not in the Will Of God and have no business bearing more children until they are stable themselves...

Some people simply have harder choices, and while you may be totally convinced to be QF, and following though to the *nth* degree... maybe your not following other convictions that another woman who isn't so QF minded is. ???

All human life is valuable, and precious. But if God will provide, why isn't He providing in Africa? India? Even here in the states? People can't feed their children. Help me here... I am struggling for an answer and don't you dare say they don't have enough faith. Pioneer mothers 100 years ago had plenty of faith. This is just one of those peripheral issues that BOTH a husband and wife must be in agreement with or you ARE out of the will of God.

Sidenote: I am not advocating birth control. That is a personal decision. I am advocating self control.:-)

So, here's my suggestion to everyone who stumbles upon this blog and those who read it regularly: Be kind to each other. Pray for each other. Love each other.
Don't judge, be content in your own conviction.

Those aren't my rules.
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